Safeway vs. Whole Foods: Customer Service Comparison

First off, to save you some time, this is about a 13 cent banana. You decide whether or not you’re interested in reading about our  banana escapade.

Awhile back I reported on my price comparison study between Whole Foods and Safeway.  It turned out that, based on a one day shopping trip, Safeway won out on price.  But, that was then and this is now.  It is “now” that we care about isn’t it?  Some prefer to dwell on the past or wrestle with their brains about the future.   Ever say hello to someone and he or she twitches before the response –  which is usually “what?”   I’m guessing they were all tied up in thought, but I could be wrong…could have had a banana in the ear.

Anyhow, today, one of the families in FigVille  invited me to take a drive over to both of those stores on the other side of the hills.   I was darn happy to do a follow up on my earlier study so I hopped in the car with Mickey and Mimi (we fondly call them M&M) and their 3 year old granddaughter, Lizzie.   We played “I Spy With My Little Eye” the entire distance and were all in great spirits when we arrived at Whole Foods.

I walked around with my list from days gone by (the past) and took note of the current (now) prices while Mickey, Mimi and Lizzie did some shopping.  They sure spent a lot of time in the produce aisle as the grocery staff prepared plates upon plates of fruits and veggies and cheese and you name it!  I decided to wander over and snack with them.  Those folks kept offering us all kinds of goodies, some items of which I had never heard (plu-ott?).  The gang finished their shopping and I  had my price list ready to re-examine and re-compare to Safeway prices.  We headed to the checkout and stood and talked a bit with the cashier who told us about the Whole Foods Kid Club.  Each time they go with a parent to Whole Foods ($10 minimum purchase), the child gets their choice of a FREE sugar cookie from the bakery (worth 99 cents), a cheese stick, a banana, a milk  or juice carton.   We were amazed.  Mimi was pleased to learn of the free goodies for Lizzie, but told the cashier that Lizzie had plenty of hearty fruits and juice already.  We thanked the nice lady and off we went down the street a bit to Safeway.

Again, I walked through the aisles taking note of the pricing situation.  Mickey, Mimi and Lizzie finished up their shopping.  So we headed to checkout.  I went outside of the checkout aisle to help bag their groceries.  M&M asked the cashier if they had a waste basket to throw Lizzie’s banana peel into.  The cashier blurted out in horror, “you didn’t pay for it?”  M&M stood there with the look of  ”bank robbers” written all over their faces.  They explained that their daughter didn’t get any bananas from Whole Foods and asked for one while they were shopping at Safeway.  I looked over at that peel.  Why, it was the size of my index finger.   The cashier, still in a state of shock, scolded, “we aren’t here to feed people.” She then took the peel and scanned it, then proceeded to ring up the total.  A whopping $236.86.

“But wait!” shrieked Mimi, “I have a 10% off coupon.”  (Read the small print)  At that point, the cashier went bananas herself –  ”I can’t take that now, I’ve finished your transaction!”

Well, my dander was growing by the second, but I kept my cool and meandered over to this woman.  ”Is the manager available for discussion?”  She picked up the phone and spoke a foreign language and then hung up.  ”He’s busy.”  I became a bit more firm, “where exactly is he?  I’ll go to him if he can’t come to me.” She curtly said he was working at register 6.  I looked down the aisle, saw the 6 and sauntered over.  ”Excuse me sir, I’d like a word with you when you are free.”  He glanced at me, continued to do what he was doing and asked what I needed.  I explained what had happened at the register with M&M and the cashier.  His face changed from “at your service,” to red and angry.

Meanwhile, he took care of the situation and gave M&M their discount, but he did repeat “yes, we have no bananas for kids.”

That’s the end of that story.  Everyone in FigVille USA is appalled and refuses to shop at Safeway in the future.   Things get around pretty fast there.

As for my UNBIASED study,  Whole Foods came out on top this time — Double Topper:  Price and Customer Satisfaction and Service!

Bank of AMERICA – “NO WE CAN’T”

Is it me or is it me?  Is Bank of America for real?

The other day a neighbor here in FigVille USA needed some quick cash.  How that played out is in my last session  here “Bank of American’t.”  They didn’t and they won’t and they keep saying “we can’t.”    We don’t believe in the word “can’t” here in FigVille.  ”Can’t” is just another word for “Don’t Want To.”

In fact, Bank of America doesn’t want to read what their valued customers are saying in their online chatter boxes.  Check it out for yourself.  These are real, unadulterated, unaltered conversations with uninterested bank representatives.

Today, my neighbor friend, Joshua — the fella I helped out and talked about in my last writing — came over to ask for my help in setting up a Bank of America transfer.  I scratched my head for longer than usual, “I’ll do my best, Josh.  I can’t guarantee anything.  By “can’t” what I’m really saying is I want to, but those folks at Bank of America have a way of getting things wrong, if you follow me.”

Josh nodded, “I think I understand…I’ve had a few problems with them myself.  I don’t know why they call themselves Bank of AMERICA.  Especially when the one’s outside of town post those bulletins and promotions in other languages and we have to ask for the English version.”  I knew exactly what he meant, I’d been there and done that but I didn’t buy anything.  I’d  just grab my lollipop and leave as soon as I finished my business.  Speaking of those lollipops, darn those are nasty.  The lollipops we have in our town are real lollipops… I’m going to have to drop some off there one day.

I  took Josh over to my Apple Computer (we’re all about healthy here)  and we sat down to work this out together.  I turned on the computer and, lo and behold, on the YAHOO! news screen there was an article about Bank of America.  We dove right in.  ”Bank of America in Hot Water Over SC Flag Flap” said the headline.  It seems that a South Carolina citizen was placing American flags procession style to honor a U.S. Marine who died in action in Afghanistan.  This procession was to pass by the Bank of America in the city.  The Bank of America official ordered the removal of all those memorial, American Flags.

Now, can someone please tell me why Bank of America uses an American flag logo and in all their literature, and flies off the handle when they see some American flags around the property?  Why! That unthought out action was darn UN-American of them.

Josh and I just looked at each other dumbfounded-like.  ”Wait,” said Josh, ” look below that headline.  There’s another story about Bank of America right there.”  It read:    ”CEO Lewis under fire as Bank of America probes grow personal.”  I looked at Josh and he was already looking at me.  ”What’s that all about?” he asked.  ”Got me, I don’t usually go looking for news about Bank of America – they’re already a growing prickle in my side, Josh.”

Josh had a look on his face that I could read without asking.  He shook his head and asked if he should just transfer his personal and business money to another bank.  ”Heck,” Josh, they’ve been up to no good for a long time now.  If I were you, I’d move my business money out of there and just leave in a tad amount for personal stuff.”  He quickly agreed and just as quickly wanted to temporarily transfer his money out to Ima Stutterer’s account in another bank.  I’m not doing any advertising for banks, so I’ll just leave it at that.   “But first,” Josh continued, I want to transfer a couple hundred dollars from my personal account at Bank of America to my wife who has a few cents left in her personal account.”

So, I flipped off YAHOO! and hustled over to  Bank of America’s web digs.   I entered all the requested information.   You got it!   ERROR, ERROR.

I waddled over to the chat box:

Welcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Bank of America Online Banking Specialist.

Jonas: Hello! Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer! My name is  Jonas.  May I have your full name and last four digits of the account?

You: Josh Tadpole, last 4 digits are xxxx

Jonas: Thank you, Josh.

Jonas: Josh, how may I assist you with your personal checking and savings accounts today?

You: I’m attempting to add transfer recipient to my personal account and I’m getting an error message.

Jonas: I understand your concern regarding the transfer.

You: Here is the error message: We were unable to find a match for the information you provided. Please resubmit the request or contact the account owner to verify the information.

Jonas: Josh, you get this error, if any of the recipient information is incorrect.

Jonas: Please note that only accounts with a valid, complete US address are eligible to be added for inside the bank transfers.

You: Yes, I have reviewed the information several times, it is all correct

Jonas: Foreign addresses or any address that is missing a required data field such as ZIP code are not eligible.

You: I live here in the USA.

Jonas: The recipient must have a valid Social Security Number, SSN, on file with Bank of America.

Jonas: Also, if the information is correct, I ask that the recipient contact us so that we might check the information.

You: the recipient is my wife and she is  a Bank of America customer

Jonas: If there are any changes in the information, they will be updated on that and then you will be able to receive the correct information for the transfer.

You: what?  Jonas, I don’t know what you are rambling about.  Are you using a macro?

You: The recipient is my wife

You: I can go get her to talk with you

Jonas: Please ask you wife to chat with us from her Online ID so that we will access her accounts and provide the correct information.

You: you want my wife to go online? separately?

You: or do you want to talk with her now from here?

Jonas: Yes, once she contact us. We will access her accounts and update the correct information to her.

Jonas: I cannot access her accounts as she is not chatting with us from her ID.

You: update what correct information? it’s been the same for too many years to count

You: so she will talk with you or another agent?

Jonas: We will verify the information once she contact us.  You have entered an incorrect zip code.

Jonas: All the agents are trained and they will provide the correct information once she initiates the chat from her Online ID.

You: This seems like an ongoing problem with setting up transfers with Bank Of America ONLINE. Just happened to my friend the other day.  And, it was all about a zip code for him too.  We don’t live in Alaska!

You: I’ll have my wife get online to talk to another agent.

Last text message received

Jonas: Please understand this is for your accounts security.

Josh:  CLICK

Josh meanders home to get his wife to come over.  ”Hey Molly-Bee” how goes it?”

Welcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Bank of America Online Banking Specialist.

Nile: Hello, my name is Nile. Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer. How may I assist you today with your personal savings and checking accounts?

You: My husband attempted to transfer from his online account to mine and it wouldn’t go through. The agent said I needed to sign in and chat with you for a bit.  Now I only have a few minutes, I’m making some Fig Jam for our upcoming Fall Fest.

Nile: I understand you are not able to transfer funds to your husband’s account.

Nile: Please confirm he has a account with Bank of America?

You: Excuse me, Nile, HE is not able to transfer to MY account, not the other way around.  And, he has “an” account, not “a” account.

You: take your time reading now

Nile: I am sorry I misunderstood it.

Nile: May I know the error he faced while transferring the funds to you?

You: that’s how problems occur, you know that if you don’t pay attention, you will be giving out inaccurate information

Nile: I am really sorry for mistake on my part.

You: I don’t know the error message, Nile, I wasn’t here.  They tell me it was something like “not able to verify information”

Nile: Okay.

Nile: Was it something like, “unable to verify the information provided”?

You: Nile, please pay attention.  That’s what I just said. Now, my husband talked with one of your chat reps and the rep said I have to chat with another rep to find out what data were changed, even though nothing has been changed.  So here I am.

Nile: Alright. Thank you for the confirmation.

Nile: May I have your complete name and last 4 digits of your checking account number please?

You: xxxx

You: name is Molly-Bee

Nile: Thank you for the information, Molly-Bee.

Nile: Please allow me some time while I access your account information.

Nile: Meanwhile please provide me the zip code your husband was entering in the transfer recipient information.

You: xxxxx

You: same as his, we are still married after all these years and so very happy together

Nile: Thank you for allowing me time to access the account information.

Nile: Molly-Bee, please be informed the zip code entered was in correct.

Nile: The zip code which we have on the records is xxxxx-xxxx.

You: it is??????? that is the zip on my bank statement??  I have it in front of me and it doesn’t say that? Nile, note “incorrect” is one word. Not two.

You: that’s been my zip code since I opened an account with your bank

Nile: Please be informed there are 2 types of addresses in banking records.

Nile: One is the main (profile) address.

Nile: Other is the secondary mailing address.

Nile: Which is where the bank mails and documents are mailed.

You: I always get my bank mail at the zip code I gave you

You: xxxxx

Nile: But to make an online transfer, zip code of profile address is required.

You: FigVille

You: xxxxx

Nile: Profile address on the records with us is as follow:

Nile: xxxx Fig Eaters Corner

Nile: FigVille -xxxxx-xxxx.

Nile: Please tell your husband to make the transfer using this zip code.

You: so what should he use as the zip code?   the whole code you typed? or just the first five digits?

Nile: We are sorry for the inconvenience caused to you, Molly.

Last text message received

Nile: Please enter it as xxxxx-xxxx.

You: You folks are pretty hilarious — but, I can see how these mistakes happen since you are not paying attention.

Nile: I absolutely understand how important it is for you to get the issue resolved.

Nile: Is there anything else that I can assist you with today?

You: no thank you, but I would like to remind you to pay attention to what the customer is saying, even in these chatter boxes

Nile: You are welcome.  Yes of course.

Last text message received

Nile: I hope I was of proper help to you by providing the correct information.

Nile: Have a nice day ahead.

Last text message received

Nile: Bye and take care, Molly-Bee.

You: I will have a nice day ahead, and above and below.  Now you take care too Nile, maybe get yourself a light snack and a quick nap.

Bank of American’t Figger It Out

I shouldn’t be concerned about Bank of America’s ineptitude.  I should have moved on long ago to another bank with real, hassle-free customer service.  But, no, I decided to continue my engagement, or entanglement, with them.  Call me lazy.  I don’t mind at all, I know it’s true.

Of course, they did bait the hook with their recent $25 offer.  Pay two bills online and get the $25.  So maybe laziness is a sub-category of opportunism.

Today, a friend said he needed a few bucks.  Easy, I thought.  I’ll go online and transfer it to his account.  That way he’ll have it in his pocket in just a few minutes. We’re about helping folks here in FigVille USA, and getting his needs handled quickly mattered to me.  So, I got myself over to my computer to transact.

Have you ever logged in to Bank of America?  Ever notice they show you a picture and say, … “If you don’t recognize your personalized SiteKey,
don’t enter your Passcode.”  SiteKey is a picture of something.  I didn’t recognize mine since I’d never put a picture of Santa Claus on my “SiteKey,” but I put in my “Passcode” anyway.  I made a promise I wanted to keep before sundown.

I proceeded to the “Transfer” category and entered all the necessary info.   An alarm went off — error message – incorrect data entry.  I was confounded because all the entries I’d made were correct … I am a proofreader par excellence.  I need to take pause here…if you ever see any incorrect grammar or typos, please notify me immediately.  I take pride in speaking plain English and looking for the little red lines under misspelled words.

Back to the on-line banking.  After proofing everything several times more, I noticed a little box with  a Bank of America Chat Representative.   So I scurried over and knocked on the little window.  Here is the chat, verbatim, for your entertainment.  Go ahead and have a few chuckles on me!   I’ll just sign off here and say I managed to get that bit of cash over to the neighbor – pulled it out of my top left hand dresser drawer where I keep my emergency funds and walked on over to his place.

Welcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Bank of America Online Banking Specialist.

Milene*: Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer. My name is Milene. I will be delighted to assist you with your personal checking and savings accounts.

*Name of online helper slightly changed to protect the ignorant.

Milene*: May I have your name as it appears on your account.

You: Sure thing.  My name is *Naive Evian.

*My name slightly changed to protect the innocent.

Milene: Hello, Naive.  How are you doing today?

You: I’m doing fine thanks and you?

Milene: Nice to know that!

Milene: I am fine. Thank you for asking.

Milene: How may I assist you today with your personal Checking and Savings accounts?

You: I am setting up an “Add Account” for transfer and when I enter the information, an error message appears

Milene: Could you please provide me the last four digits of the debit Card number you are using for the transfer?

You: Sure, it’s 1234

Milene: May I please know the last 4 digits of the account number you are using for transfer?

You: 1234

Milene: Thank you for the information.

Milene: May I know the exact error message that you see?

You: We were unable to find a match for the information you provided. Please resubmit the request or contact the account owner to verify the information.

Milene: This error message is displayed if you have entered an incorrect account number or zip code for the recipient account.

You: okay let me check that

Milene: Sure.

You: it’s all right, as far as I can see

Milene: May I know the information you are using?

You: name, account number etc?

Milene: Yes, you are absolutely right.

You: Recipient’s Last Name: Blindfaith

You: Nickname: Froghead

You: Recipient’s Account number: 12345678

You: Recipient’s zip code: 12345

Milene: I would request you to please do not enter any nick names.

Milene: Please use the zip code as 00012345678

You: zip code as account number?

Milene: I apologize for the typing error.

Milene: Please use the account number as 00012345678

Milene: Please use the account number as 00012345678****

You: add 3 zeros and use four asterisks??

Milene: No.

Milene: Only account number: 00012345678

You: still did not go through, Milene

Milene: Please use account number as 00012345678, zip code as 12345 and last name as Blindfaith and do not enter nickname

You: i did that, I removed “Froghead”

Milene: I request you to please refresh the page and enter the details again.

You: still did not go thru…. does this happen frequently?

Milene: No, this rarely happens.  Let me repeat please use account number as 00012345678, zip code as 99553 and last name as Blindfaith and do not enter nickname

You: but, Milene, the zip code is not 99553

You: the fella, Blindfaith, is my neighbor and his zip code is 12345, same as mine

Milene: Please try using 99553

You: wait a second, I just Binged 99553 and that is way up there in Alaska, he’s not in Alaska

You: by the way, why are you asking me to put in a zip code that is incorrect?  Is that a “default” zip to try when all else fails?

You: are you there Milene?

You: are you there Milene?

Milene: Yes.

Last text message received

Milene: One moment please!

You: Helllo?

You: I can’t wait too much longer here, got a promise to keep

You: Hello???

You: is anyone there?

You: Hello??? Are you there?

Milene: I understand your time is valuable, I apologize for the delay caused.

Last text message received

Milene: Thank you for your time and patience.

Milene: Thank you for your time and patience.

Milene: I see that the zip code on the recipient’s account is 99553

You: it’s not … he is my next door neighbor

You: and I don’t live in Alaska

Last text message received

Milene: It is suggested to please ask the recipient to contact us via chat through his/her Online Id  and confirm the Zip Code that we have for his/her account.

You: I’ll do that.  By the way, what time do you have?  I think we’ve been chatting for 30 to 40 minutes.  What say you?  Hello?? Hello?  Hellllooooo?

I don’t know why I say hello you say goodbye… Hello Hello

Safeway Gas Reward Program Over and Out

A while back I wrote here about the Safeway Gas Reward Program and my attempt to claim my reward.  Shortly thereafter, I learned that a company named Excentus was suing Safeway for stealing this idea from them.  As I mentioned back then, the idea was so lame, who in their right mind would  come into public view to claim ownership of it.  I suppose if you’re feeling unnoticed and unappreciated and all those “un’s” – bad press is better than no press.

All the while, I was saving my receipts to claim my next gas reward of $3.32.  This does not, of course, take into consideration the $600 food purchase required to claim that  gallon due me.  So, I called the management at safeway today.

“I hear you guys are discontinuing the gas reward program.  I’ve got a credit that I’d like to exercise.”

“Thank you for participating in our gas rewards program.  We have decided that the feedback from you, our customers, about the pumps being too far away from your area was something we couldn’t ignore…”

“Wait,” I interrupted, I complained at least a dozen times and I was ignored.”

“And,” the voice continued, “that is exactly why we decided to drop the program…we are listening to your voice.”

“But, I have a credit, what happens to that?”

“Hold on to your credit, it’s good for a couple more days.  After you’ve excercised your gas reward credit, you’re going to find that your gas rewards will now go into lowering the overall cost of food you buy at Safeway.  Thank you for calling and thank you for remaining a loyal Safeway shopper”  CLICK.

Rude, I agree.  Then it dawned on me.  THAT was a recording.  I heard a disconnect sound when I interrupted, and a reconnect when the recording continued its spiel.  So, folks, don’t bother calling – just get yourselves down to the nearest Safeway Gas Pump by tomorrow.  Oh, and meet me for the boycott outside the store when you’re done.

Drive safely.

President Obama Terrorizing School Children

That’s what the headlines say.  Has it been a slow weekend for the media?  Why are parents and schools outraged?

From what I can gather, the fellow wants to begin the school year with a message to our children attending school.  He’ll be encouraging kids to work hard, stay in school, accomplish their goals.  GASP!

I viewed the text and I don’t see a speck of harm in it.  You can read the entire text of the speech right HERE.   Make your own decision.

Care2.com, a supposed “do good” organization has characterized Obama as a “sinister illegal alien that lied and cheated his way into the highest office of the United States government. Untroubled by conscience or intellect, President Obama does only one thing – and does it well. He turns everything that moves–men, women, and children into SOCIALISTS.”

That’s pretty angry talk from a virtuous organization, in my humble opinion.   Personally, I believe they project their thoughts about themselves.  How could it be otherwise.  The only reality we know is our own.    Now, we in FigVille just may cut back our donations to that organization.  We’re not sure they’re who they say they are.

Think about it.  What is there to fear in this event?  What’s the worst thing that can happen?  What?  The kids work hard, do well, accomplish their goals?  OUCH!  Maybe the parents want to be telling their kids to do that instead of having the President of the United States speak for them.  Well, they shouldn’t have waited so long, perhaps.  And….what can we make of the schools who are alarmed over this?  Is it some kind of ego trip?

I’ll tell you, these people are putting the “negative” thoughts in their childrens’ minds by basically saying:  ”We don’t want you to listen to the message of encouragement from President Obama.  We’ll protect you from him.  You don’t have to think for yourselves because you have parents who can think for you.”

Sure, this ought to send a great message to children everywhere….YOU CAN’T THINK FOR YOURSELF!

I have a message for the schools, parents and whomever else is distraught over this:  Teach your kids how to think for themselves.  If they’re as smart as you believe they are, and you want them to be responsible for their lives, why not let them live it.  Get out of the way.

By the way,folks, who did you vote for?

Google Wants You! Unexplained Intentions.

Google is getting on my nerves.

Seems as if there’s something up with those folks.  They’re like  ”unexplained phenomena.”  And, tell me, is it phenomenon or phenomena? Their latest stunt “unexplained phenomenon,” feels like a directive.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being told what to do.  I am doing some quick research and I see an inexplicable graphic on the word “google.”  Like any curious person, I wave my cursor over the object.  Nothing.  I wave and wave it.  Still nothing.  Okay, dammit, I’ll click on it.  What the…?

Took me right off my own game and placed me into theirs.  I know I didn’t have to go there, but I have an inquiring mind.  That’s why I was there in the first place, to inquire about my own inquiry.  We here in FigVille USA don’t take a liking to entrapment.  One of the neighbors said it was like being taken prisoner and not knowing why.  He swore off Google in the instant.  We don’t like big companies messing with our minds.  We respect each other here and we respect each and every one’s personal belief system.  We don’t force our thoughts and/or beliefs onto one another.  We’re just one big happy family.  We simply go about our own business.

I’ve been noticing a lot more of this company’s haughtiness of late.  One of the younger fellows here in town was looking at a job at Google. One of the requirements of the job was to get their (Google’s) audience to appreciate … no that’s not the word, it was more like – get the audience to adore Google and its leaders.  We all sat there scratching our heads.  Used to be companies marketed the benefits of their products.  Not enhance the image of the leaders.  Egocentricity abounds.

We went back to another job description, some time later, they changed it!  Eureka!  Their PR people (our guess) must have said something like:  ”Look guys, let’s stop bragging about ourselves.  How about we talk about Love…it’s a more friendly approach and may give you the love you are seeking.”

Enter new era of “Sages R Us.”

“Don’t Be Evil,” was Google’s motto until recently.  One attempt to persuade people how to think that obviously went awry.  I don’t know what they were thinking with that one.  Wish they would have been more specific about their definition/perception the word “evil.”  I know some people who think that grabbing and apple that fell from a tree because you’re broke, jobless and hungry is evil.  Others have said laying off thousands of workers during tough times is evil.  Maybe Google was looking at the apple stealer scenario.

Looks like they might have been getting into the religion or brainwash business.  I wouldn’t have minded if they had announced they were creating a Sacred Text, “Don’t Be Evil,” and expounded on it some.  They could have handed out booklets to those who were looking for a new sacred text to replace their Bibles, Rig-Vedas or Tao Te Chings.

I have a couple suggestions for those misguided ladies and gents:  mind your own business and we’ll mind ours.  If you are in my business, then I have to know that you are not in your own.  A business that is away from its own business soon gets swept away into Unexplained Phenomena.

Try to be more cheery, like those Bing folks. I know for fact the Bingers have created a great foundation.  You can visit www.gatesfoundation.org if you’re at all interested.

Their Motto:

I’m starting to like them more and more everyday.  Longevity and wisdom may have something to do with it.  Does Google have a charitable foundation? The answer is they are helping.  Helping their image.

One last thing.  I don’t like it that someone can find my house on their maps site.  I think we should all have a say in that.  Do they have the right to photograph us on the internet?   I did learn they do special favors for those wealthy folk by taking down photos of their homes.  Go to  their site and look for Tony Blair’s home, if you know the address, that is.

Here’s some data from deceiver.com — See below.

“So if you don’t like Google invading your privacy, all you need to do is become a world-famous billionaire with your own island.  Or a former head of state! Google was at the centre of new controversy last night after pictures of Tony Blair’s London home were mysteriously removed from its Street View web service…

Anyone typing Mr Blair’s address into the website, which allows people to see 360-degree pictures of streets, including close-ups of houses and buildings, is met with the message: ‘This image is no longer available.’”

And, by the way, do we know where Page and Brin live?  Lo and behold, Page lives on Washington Ave and Waverly, in Palo Alto. Brin lives in an apartment … the large white structure.  But, which apartment?   Page lives on Washington, and Brin lives in the White House.  HA!

My work is done.  Goodnight and, as we say here in FigVille, “don’t fig-it to come back real soon.

Michael Jackson – Got Milk?

It all comes down to this.  Michael Jackson couldn’t fall asleep.  According to news reports, which we really should never believe, he was awake until sometime in the early a.m. — 5 or so.  He asked his doc for a glass of milk … and poof he fell fast to sleep.

Now I don’t know about you, but I can think of a lot of things he could have done instead spend the entire night trying to fall asleep.  In his particular case, he could have stayed awake and gone out jogging like Rocky Balboa, he could have called the local talk show radio station to discuss the fellow in Seattle who had difficulty sleeping, or he could have invented a new satellite walk — Venus doesn’t have one, would have been nice.

Personally, I think we should view this whole matter differently.  Michael Jackson got what he asked for.

Peaceful dreams.

Michael Jackson’s Lookalike and Chicago Sun Times’ Editorial Staff

needs a new editor.  Unless these are called “busks” nowadays.  See their note below.

Bloggers are getting a kick out of this Egyptian busk at the Field Museum.

I’m a blogger and I am getting more of a kick out of the Chicago Sun Times’ blooper.

Economic Woes Solution: Just Sue Someone

Now why didn’t I think of that?

I wonder if it’s too late to sue the college(s) I attended because I didn’t become a famous chef.  I didn’t major in Chefonomics, but all the schools I attended did make promises.    The one that held true for me is:  We promise that if you don’t work hard, you won’t make the grade.   Fair enough.

Now, I’m also wondering if  Trina Thompson will ever land a job in Information Technology.   Who’d want to hire her?  Mind you, I have no bones to pick with this person.  I’m looking at this objectively.  Most likely, I wouldn’t hire her based on that ancient branch of philosophy called Ethics.  And, if perchance, I did hire her, I’d have to create a completely new, for her eyes only, sign-on contract.  Then, I’d have to pay our attorneys to review it with a fine toothed comb.

Okay, let’s go for the positive scenario.  A company hires her to work in their IT Department.  They offer her stock options when and if they go public.  They didn’t want to, but they had to because it’s part of the process.  Otherwise, they’d be looking at a discrimination lawsuit.   Sometime down the road, the company’s not doing well, let alone going public.  They need to lay off staff.  Mrs. Thompson is on the laid off list.  UH OH! Will she sue them because they promised her stock options?   “Damn, we’re stuck with her.”

I don’t know about you, but I believe in using your noggin creatively.  Suing your school because you can’t find a job is not exactly what I’d call an original, thought-provoking idea.

May I have a moment to speak with this woman?  Trina, get with the program.  Meet Robin and Mike.  Start blogging girl !

Hint, you may want to consider billboards, social networking sites, and possibly starting your own business helping others to find someone to sue.

In any event, Good Luck.

I’m off to help a local entrepreneur with her business plan.

Obama’s Beer Summit

ABC News: Frothy Diplomacy: What Beer Will Obama Choose for White House Meeting?

Boston.com: Beer diplomacy: Brewers hope Obama taps local ale

Washington Post:  Demonstrators Want Lemonade at Obama Beer Summit

and on and on …

We, at FigVille USA, had a meeting last night to discuss an obviously important dilemma facing our nation of late.  We FigVillians take great pride in keeping current on the pressing issues of our time, and this was no different from the rest.

It was Mort’s turn to moderate.  Mort’s our local barber.

“Folks, it seems as if a lot of our countrymen are stirred about that Obama Beer Summit and what the choice of beverage should be.  Now, I prefer a Heineken any day…how many of you out there like a Heineken now and again?”   I hollered an aye, as did quite a few others.

“It’s a fine tasting beer,” he continued.  ”Now, let’s hear some other choices.”  A whole slew of favorites echoed through the hall, a couple of which I’d never tried:  Corona – Beck – Bud – Guinness – Labatt – Rauchbier.

“Great choices.   So, next town hall meeting let’s bring our favorites to share with our neighbors – I’d like to try some of those myself,” he said while rubbing his belly.  ”Now, let’s get down to business.  We’re here to talk about and help America find a solution to the problems facing our country right now.”

“Hold on a minute,” came a voice from the crowd, “no one mentioned our own brew.”  It was Martha.  She and her hubby George owned the local brewery.  George stood up seconding her inquiry.  ”Yah, what about our Fig-Grist, Fig-Chiller and Fig-Fruity.  Those are the top three in town.”

Mort answered for us all.  ”Let’s not split hairs.  I’m sure I speak for everyone here when I say our favorite is our very own.  I was simply combing through the crowd to see what outside-of-FigVille beer some of the folks like.”  The hall gave a hoot and holler for FigVille’s Finest.

George and Martha smiled.  ”We sure fooled ya there.  We were reenacting what we came here to discuss.”   Well, it worked because there wasn’t a dry eye to look into after all the laughter.

When everyone gained some semblance of composure, Mort made a recommendation.  ”George, Martha…why don’t we get some of that Fig Snapping beer over here so we can finish this meeting in style.  And, while you’re at it, bring over enough for those three fellows for their Beer Summit.  We’ll package it and put it on the next flight out to The White House.”

And, that’s what we did.   We had our own brewhaha and a grand time was had by all in FigVille USA.  Yes, we did package some of our finest for that Beer Summit… A case of Fig-Chiller.

Thanks America for the laughs!  By the way, if you’re interested in some great brew, give us a holler.